I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
wow bdsm is so cute
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
