I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
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There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
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We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
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