just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
