Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
