It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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