I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
