If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
