You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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