So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
