I'm sorry my penis didn't work
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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