I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
