He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We need to get me chipped asap
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
