Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
