this boner is exhausting
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize