The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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