I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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