Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
