It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
