Your face is a jimmy john
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
A+ Viking dick
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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