Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
