I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
This toilet bowl is my home.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
