this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
