The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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