were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
as a side note pls kill me
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
