if i can run in heels then i can drive
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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