I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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