I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
