I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
