He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
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the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
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This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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