I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
