I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
