Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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