Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
