Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
