Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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