was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
my poor anus
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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