The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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