I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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