apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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