dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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