how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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