If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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