I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
