is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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