he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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