Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
