So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
