addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
