Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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