how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
