the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
