My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
