look no pants
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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