I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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