Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
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just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
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Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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