You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
