Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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