You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
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I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
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Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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