You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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